I kinda like it. at times it seems like you're trying to be a little too deep (read: pretentious ---i.e. "But I've blackened the doors of perception with a darkness that's hard to erase.") But there is definitely some writing talent there. It seems well constructed.
That bit was meant to be a play on the Blake/Huxley line about "cleansing the doors of perception". I guess that is a bit pretentious. I will rework it. Thanks.