I like everything about this except the very last line, "My whole life long." The whole story has made it sound like he's pretty old and doesn't have that many years and years left, whereas "whole life long" implies some looooong, seemingly interminable period of time. I would go with something more like "Once a week, every week, til all my weeks are done (or gone)" - something a little more consistent with an old speaker, with the end closer in sight.
Of course Steve, Please do. Debbie and I have posted several of our lyrics in the hope that someone would care to contribute and help us. we need all the help we can get.
I've been re-reading many of your posts- Steven - about lyrics and the general public
Yeah - I am 52 years PLUS,
What could I know about your music or the general public ?
Half a century of nothing. Half one hundred years. Living among the general public.
Actually - I Perform for the general public everyday - from 16 to 100 - Just to cover my bases I learned at least 10 songs from every decade, since 1880. That's over 120 years of great music. My song list covers almost every style and era of music, except Rap and Hip - Hop.
I perform over 2000 cover tunes.
I have written over 100 original tunes
I have more than 50 published songs.
Obviously - it takes more than all of that, to be GREAT !
Jeff, just wanted to make sure you were inviting some comments.
My main comment is just about imagery and the 'park bench' is very very strong in my mind but a lot of the other lyrics don't bring up images for me (and maybe they all don't need to).
I was gonna suggest maybe taking lines, for example
"where we met and had such a time"
And actually give us a specific image for our imaginations to chew on. What does 'such a time' mean? Where you first kissed? Where she gave you her uncle's brass ring? etc.
"What a place"
Is that a park where the bench is? Or out on the side of an old street in the middle of town where kids skateboard? Maybe it's a bench that sits under an oak in the front of your house?
The bench has supported you all these years and your friendship with this other person. Is that the meaning you want to tell us? Why is the bench so important?
Is that person your friend or lover? Male or female?
How does this person relate to your wife, whom you mention in the middle? Did your wife sit with you on this bench? Why is she mentioned in the song?
Anyway, you don't have to answer all of these questions here. I just you to know the current lyrics leave me wondering what you want the song to mean? And once you come up with that meaning in a nutshell, what images (which are as concrete as the 'bench') could you share with us to convey that meaning.
Not everything needs to be images but when they're there they help to paint half the picture (and we as listeners need to meet you half way to paint the other half - based on our experience).
Actually - I Perform for the general public everyday - from 16 to 100
I perform over 2000 cover tunes.
I have more than 50 published songs.
Jeff, you've sparked my interest. I believe your experience could be very helpful so I'd like to ask a couple of questions about your remarks.
You wrote: "Actually - I Perform for the general public everyday - from 16 to 100" I don't know what is meant by that. Is it the number of songs you perform? Could you explain it please?
You wrote: "I perform over 2000 cover tunes." Gads! Do you know these by heart? If so, how did you manage to memorize them all?
You wrote: "I have more than 50 published songs." Congratulations! Could you let us know what some of them are and where to find them? (Maybe 20 or 30 so I/we can get a good look at how an experienced, published songwriter excels at his craft. Please!) What is your approach to getting songs published? And if you don't mind, any comments about income from published songs would be appreciated.
Thanks for all your help Jeff. You are an inspiration.
Jeff? I'm really hoping to get a listen to many of your published songs. Pleeeeeaaase?! I'll see if I can find any on the internet but it would be a tidy bit easier if you would lend a hand.
Thought it would be easy with over 50 published songs but I can't find anything at all.
