You probably have to have tried to drive on the east coast during Snowbird migration to appreciate most of this...but...... anyway...HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Grandma’s Christmas Condo
For years and years, come Christmas, we loaded up the mini-van
Drove two hours north out of Baltimore to the farm my grand folks had
It was turkey and ham and goodies in our stockings
Skating on the pond, sledding on the toboggan
Mince meat pie home made eggnog and the best times we ever had.
Imagine our surprise, we couldn’t believe our eyes
Postcard at Thanksgiving, showed Florida Living
With a picture of a West Palm Beach high rise
(this can’t be right…Dear Kids, it’s….)
No more over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house you go
Winter on the farm just lost all its charm; we got tired of shoveling snow
Sold the back forty acres to the highest taker and we knew what to do with the dough
Now it’s a thousand mile drive down I95, to Grandma’s Christmas Condo
We left December twenty-second, figured we wouldn’t have to hurry
Then we spent a whole day trying to get through Richmond,
With the entire state of New Jersey
Thought we’d stop at South of the Border,
Half of Canada was there on their way to Florida
Nothing to do but just drive on through, caught a break around Savannah Georgia
By the Palm Beach County Line, we were weary and bleery eyed
Stumbled up to their door and heard the blender roaring
They were making Mango-daiquiris and slicing Key limes (Have they lost their minds? GASP – maybe they been ALZ-HAMMERED!)
No wreathes, no sliver bells, their place is done in seashells and painted Flamingo pink
No red and green to be seen, ’cept the little Palm tree things in our drinks
Eating carry out from Sonny’s, good thing we brought money, she’s never turned on that stove
That Snowbird Queen’s off to the putting green down by Grandma’s Christmas condo
Now granddad spends his days on the patio catching rays
With Margaratville blaring, and the only thing he’s wearing
Is his 45 sun block and a cocktail tray (I heard Grandma say, you keep that tray right on your lap. For years, everybody’s asked what I saw in you, but this is no time to start showin’ them.)
So, there’s no decking the halls and stringing popcorn balls and singing those Christmas songs
Better call in advance, there’s always a chance Grandma’s at the pool in her thong
I need a vacation from this winter haven, I’m resting when we get home
She says at spring break they’re a gonna take us all to Orlando – OH NO
Heck, I can’t wait to go! Back to Grandma’s Christmas condo
